I have no contact with my father. This is my mom, Ruth Frances Sparks Wensel Zahner. She filled the role of both mother and father in my life. Mom was spending Christmas with my dear sister Rose. Mom was 74 on Dec. 29. Afflicted with Alzheimers, she is some stranger lurking in my mother's body. Almost like one of Travers' sci-fi movies, it's as if she's been possessed. Sometimes you can't help but wonder who this woman is and what happened to "mom." Ocassionally scary thoughts enter my mind as I wonder if this will be me in 20 years? I'm glad and relieved there's a God who takes care of these details so I don't have to worry.

Christmas '08

Our Christmas Day was spent quietly. Bill, Travers and myself had our big dinner on Christmas Eve, waiting until Christmas Day to open gifts. We joined friends for Christmas Dinner then took the camper and the dogs to Lubbock. We even arrived in time to see Marley & Me with Jo and Richard at the drive-in.

Dec. 26th we hit the stores then celebrated Christmas with Josephine, Richard and Richard's family. Above are a few family pics, including Jo, Richard, Travers, Ginger & Dickie Reedy and Richard's sister, Robin.

As you can see from the pics, Jo and Richard had laboriously wrapped a package in duct tape for Travers.

After opening the gifts, the 4 "kids" went outside. They had been given Mentos candy and bottles of Diet Coke. Each one made their own mini fountain.

I keep telling Jo we're "creating memories." We label packages with name tags such as "Jo's little brother" or "owner of 99 Nissan." The duct tape wrapping has almost become a tradition. This year, Travers wrapped Jo's IPOD and Richard's DVD's in multiple boxes and layers of paper. MULTIPLE layers of boxes and paper!! Without knowing what Travers had done, they returned the favor. :-)

It was a Merry and very blessed Christmas!

Cancer Free- ME!

I had the call this evening on my way out the door. The doctor admitted she had to do some research before she could call me. Even Dr. Johnston wasn't sure she fully understood all the results

Out of 5 samples, only one is considered pre-cancerous! They all sported big, long all names that were created just so doctors could pass themselves off as intelligent to their patients (or maybe it was an attempt to see how many letters of the alphabet they could use in one word). One of the samples was calcifications, that I do recall. For now, I need a diagnostic mammogram every 6 months.

I was behaving like an idiot. I could tell from her tone of voice that everything came back fine but I needed to let her talk-hear the words. I felt like a 5 yo old who was given a much coveted pony for her birthday! As Dr. Johnston prepared to hang up, she wished me a "Happy Holiday." I kept Dr. Johnston on the line long enough to assure her she just gave me a "Very Merry Christmas!"

For several weeks I had let this paralyze me. There was no future beyond the results of the biopsy. IT had a stranglehold on my heart and my brain. I wish I could say, "never again," but I can't. I can promise myself that in the years ahead I will reflect on God's faithfulness in the past as I hopefully learn to trust Him more with my future.

Life is good.
I am blessed!!!!!

Christmas on The Pecos

Last night we took a tour with MWR (Cannon) to what is called, "Christmas on the Pecos." It was another one of those things we've been talking about doing but hadn't quite done it-yet!

Carlsbad, NM has the Pecos River running through it. Actually, it's fed by a spring but that's not my point.... The community offers 45 mins long boat tours up and down the Pecos River. Residents along the river lavishly decorate their homes and yards with richly detailed Christmas decorations for the boaters. Some businesses, such as the local Lion's Club even adopt some of the area along the route. There's everything from Clifford the Big Red Dog, Santa, Frosty and nativities. We had a GREAT time! Afterwards, we indulged in, "Genuine Pennsylvania Dutch" funnel Cakes and trust me, they were genuine! I don't know why we waited so long to do it but I know we'll return again within the next few years!!

The first pic is as you walk onto the grounds. The second is, well... you may recognize us.

Number 3 pic is our friends, the director of the Matt 25 Hope Center and his wife; Steve & Pauline Reschetar. The final pic is only one of the MANY light displays along the river. (Bill wants to figure out how they made this tree). The only thing that could have made it even more perfect is your presence. :-)

No word...THE LUMP

I called the base hosp. yesterday afternoon, Thursday. My only option was to leave a msg for a nurse. No one ever called me back. Nada. Zilch. For now, I assume no news is good news. My Father in Heaven only gives good gifts to His children. Whatever this is, I assume it's good.

When I know something, I'll let you know. For now, I patiently wait...

TESS!!!

This is Tess. Travers' dog. Pretty innocent looking, huh? Trust me, she's not as innocent as she appears. Looks ARE deceiving!
I came home from walking and errands this morning, unlocked the front door and stepped inside. That was mistake number one. I shouldn't have returned home until Travers was awake (he was up all night working). Mistake number two, I breathed. This smell, stench wacked me in the nostrils and sent me reeling! I assumed it was Godiva, jo & Richard's dog. Nope. It was sweet, innocent looking Miss Tess. It seems Bill had placed her in the dog box before he left that morning. While we were gone, Tess had some elimination problems - she had to go and there was no place to go but, well. You know. As a child would say, she did, "number one and number two." I would describe it as "urinating and a deposit." Either way, you get the idea.
I opened the door of the box and Tess escaped, running through the room leaving soiled footprints behind. I tore open the patio doors where she continued with her business of making a deposit.
Because Travers was still counting sheep, I was left to chasing and bathing the reluctant puppy. She didn't like the bath but blow drying didn't seem to bother her. When I was finished, Travers stumbled from his room inquiring what was wrong - men always have such perfect timing.
The floor has been cleaned. My soiled clothes are lying in a heap by the washer. Tess is curled up comfortably under my chair as I type. Everything is back to normal except for that faint, lingering smell from in front of the washer. That too will soon be gone.
Through it all, I know I am blessed!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Last night Bill finished arranging the lights. I'm the the one who's gifted or assigned the task of hanging the ornaments. Afterwards, I asked Travers to come out and do some tweaking. As I looked over and saw his back moving toward his bedroom, I could hear him say something about, "It looks fine to me." Are all men this easy to please?

As you can see, it's a beautiful conglomeration of precious, priceless ( to me!) stuff. Slightly below the center is a triangular shaped Santa my son made more years ago than I have fingers. Diagonally to Santa's left, going north, are two round ornaments. That's Jo and Travers sitting on Santa's lap when they were a lot more cute. Now they are just beautiful and handsome!

Bill went to Amarillo today to the dental clinic at the VA hospital. They gave him another gold crown. That makes #3. If we ever get really broke we could check on the price of gold and..... no. We wouldn't. The thought of reaching inside his mouth and wretching them off does sound kind of funny.

After the dentist, we did some Christmas shopping. A few last-minute names had been added to my list and I was a woman on a mission! Between Michaels, Hobby Lobby and Target I may FINALLY be done. Well, almost. Cakes, cookies, even tasks can be "done" but is Christmas shopping ever really "done"? You just get to the point where you have to quit, for whatever reason. That's when you're "done!" I an't there yet. :-)

Monday, Dec. 8, 2008

Last Friday I had a biopsy. I knew I had lumps for about 4 years. This year when I went in for my not-quite-annual check-up, I was referred for 2 mammograms. This past Friday, I had a biopsy.

I called the Texas Tech Univ Medical Center Thursday afternoon to confirm my Friday appointment and the procedure. Sure enough, a needle biopsy under local anesthesia. We arrived about 30 minutes early, giving us plenty of time to find a parking space and be shuttled to the opposite end of the hospital grounds. WAY ...too far to walk in 22 degree weather. The hospital was short a technician so I was escorted to another radiology lab in the hospital. Ten minutes later, I was escorted back to the first department because their radiologist finally arrived. To compensate me for my inconvenience, 2 - $5 Walgreens gift cards were placed in my palm. At that point, I thought this was turning out to be pretty good. I liked the idea they were paying me! After taking my vitals, a lady named Kathryn told to strip from the waist up. I was then shown into THE ROOM. I had to lay face down on a table, raised in the air to accommodate an average height doctor and 2 staff members. My left breast hung though a hole in the middle of the table. In my mind, I saw a pink icicle hanging down from a stainless steel roof with the outside temp of 22 degrees permeating THE ROOM. I was advised not to move or wiggle as they tugged and pulled at my breast; washing it and getting it into position for THE PROCEDURE. Shivering didn't count as movement. Once again, keep in mind I wasn't supposed to move. The nurse told me I was going to get a shot (don't recall what) to numb the area. I jumped! Practically off the table and onto the ceiling! OUCH!! All this time I had been praying, "God, let me be a good patient" and I had to go and ruin it all. The nurses went into a mild panic, exclaiming, "She jumped- a lot!" as the doctor reassured them from under the table, that my icicle (breast) hadn't moved so all was fine. An incision was made of just under a half inch and 5 samples of tissue were taken from the lump behind the nipple. A tiny piece of surgical steel was planted in their place as a marker for future reference. All this while the doctor discussed his new Porsche and the fact that my lump was very "fibrous and dense." I guess the Porshe news was good but as to the dense and fibrous, I have no idea. Within an hour my table had levitated back down to earth. I sat up and Kathryn held a wad of gauze to my breast. I told her I could sit there and do it but she said she had to do it for at least 5 minutes. As she stood and held the gauze, Dr. Murphy showed me a picture of the 5 samples. Those words, "dense and fibrous" continued to be used. After the prerequisite 5 minutes, another set of mammograms were taken and I returned to my clothes. Butterflies were placed over the incision along with a band-aide. After my bra was on, an ice pack was tucked in there, too. More shivering ensued! Kathryn told me no heavy lifting for 24 hrs., take lots of Ibuprophen and Tylenol for the next 24 hours. Before I left, Kathryn told me what I wanted to hear. My doctor would get THE NEWS by Wednesday of next week. It should filter down to me that day or the next. If I don't hear anything by Thursday, Dec 11, I will be on the phone to the base! The best part was the gift cards. Hey, it's still money and getting paid for necessary torture is nice. I think. The bad thing is, well you know how little things get in your brain? Well, I'd attended a Christmas party the night before. I'd showered, pulled on fresh clothes, etc for the party. The next morning at 4 a.m. I was struggling to get dressed, let alone be coherent. Without thinking I pulled on those same clothes. That includes these wonderful, thick black socks and my comfortable black leather, Berkenstock clogs. You have to wear comfortable clothes, right? :-) When I walked into the room for THE PROCEDURE, I looked down at my feet and asked if I could go back and remove my shoes and socks - knowing there was a sink with paper towels for a quick wipe down. Kathryn suggested I keep my socks on and kick my shoes off at the foot of the table. "OH NO!" The whole time I was suspended in the air I was convinced my shoes, socks and feet were killing them! There they were, working on my breast with those leather shoes and my black-clad, stinky feet a few inches away. I kept waiting for them to rush from the room trying to hold back the nausea. How embarrassing! I was mortified! Later, I realized if they smelled, it wasn't that bad. It's just funny sometimes, the way your mind latches onto the dumbest things at the stupidest times. :-)
Occasionally I bump it and I still wince a little. When you have breasts the size of Frosty's head, it's hard not to bump them! I'm going to be patient and wait for THE CALL from the base. They have my cell # and have used it on numerous occasions. For now, no news is good news as I continue to pray. If you ever want a couple $5 gift cards, I know how you can get a couple given to you. :-) Keep in mind, it ain't worth it!